the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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