community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
