Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
