eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
