drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
