once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
