Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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