I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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