Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
