There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
