Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
