i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
