So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
