OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
