my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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