How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
