I want to stick my p in your. b.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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