I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
