she woke up with a sticky ear
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
