I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
