On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
