umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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