You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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