Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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