You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
