It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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