my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize