Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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