I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
