Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
