if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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