summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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