I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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