Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
