YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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