I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize