If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
