absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
