That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
