I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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