Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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