How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
