you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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