dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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