..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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