Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
