So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
