I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
