Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
