I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
farters have to be the big spoon...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
