I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
