oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
