At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
