oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
