he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
