i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
