Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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