There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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